Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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