Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
