i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
