i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
