Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize