dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
