Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
