My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
