Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
