i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
