Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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