we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
