hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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