didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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