im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
