i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Even my vagina gasped.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
