Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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