Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
