I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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