is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
FUCK WHALES
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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