There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
