nut hugger
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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