who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
