something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
