Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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