He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
this is an emotional support booty call
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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