I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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