so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
