too bad you live with your parents still
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
