its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
