I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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