careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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