Me too!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
