Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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