guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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