somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
