You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
