Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
