the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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