u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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