I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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