What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
