There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
