normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
