currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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