Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
