So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
