Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
