I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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