We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
