Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
