Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
