After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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