First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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