my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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