Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
