super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
