I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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