I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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