and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're like the curious george of whores
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
