I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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