If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
