respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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