Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The struggles of a small town man whore
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
