There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
