honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
