Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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