btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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