went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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