I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
