onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
