He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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