I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
