we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
